Pretty much just that. I want to say it publicly.
I’m 41 years old. My father was and is a highly skilled pianist who plays beautiful music. Unfortunately he is also an awful person who did awful things. I dropped out of all my music lessons as a kid, even though I enjoyed the instruments. By “enjoyed” I mean I was madly in love with my violin as a 7 year old… and also utterly terrified by lessons. I could hardly stand to even listen to music, even though at the same time I felt like I could hear my soul in music. I didn’t know for a long time why those things both were true, but I do now. And yes, it equates to my being frightened of my soul.
It took me into adulthood before I could even enjoy listening to most music without feeling some kind of vague threat. Years longer before I could listen to piano or classical.
I’ve sat down the past few days just trying to remember how to read notes and I’m realizing how much ugliness I have associated with it. There is such threat between a quarter and a half note, so much fear in a rest.
I bought myself a $30 recorder. I’m going to learn to play it. I’ve just been playing “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.”
Wish me luck?
Submitted May 13, 2023 at 10:07AM by boskywyrt https://www.reddit.com/r/Learnmusic/comments/13gh4s0/i_want_to_learn_to_play_music_even_tho_im_sorta/?utm_source=ifttt