TLDR: Mid-40s person with undergrad music history/theory degree who has been working labor jobs and office jobs until now and considered forgetting about creativity and music completely, is now asking for advice on honing focus, getting real about my strengths, and how to have music in my life as much as possible (including my work life) moving forward, because it feels like music and culture is what I really care about.
Thank you for reading my TLDR!
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1) Hi, I basically am trying to decide what instrument and even what fundamentals (jazz and western or Indian Classical) to focus on, so that I can become active (again...and also more than before) in playing music and connecting to others through music, and also this may inform (if I'm lucky) a way of doing paid work related to music even if its writing or teaching. I am asking for any feedback here and in the "learning jazz" sub also. I also plan on asking some local gigging/teaching pros for perspective.
I want to say that I'm currently tackling this with the help of the book "Effortless Mastery" which has been SUPER helpful so far. I love this book, I find it really healing and validating, and I plan to keep reading it until I know it like the back of my hand.
2) To be clear, my goals are:
Connect to myself and engage music as a spiritual and creative practice...because that's what it is to me.
Play with others so that I can share this experience and connect to others... I love the nonverbal communication in music and it really adds a lot to my life.
I could also be involved in doing work that supports musical community, music education, music research (maybe I should go back to school)...music therapy?? Who knows. Gotta get beyond the menial labor jobs I currently work though.
3) Options for instrument focus: I am attracted to playing drums. I also love melody and have had more experience with string instruments. I wanted to play drums at a younger age but never followed through. Now I can only play basic rock/funk beats and have played super basic parts for accompaniment in dance classes-- is it even worth my time at my age to try to start to learn jazz drums? Seems like with a full time work schedule progress would be so slow. I also like saxophone (no experience LOL), or guitar (some experience with rock and messing around but I never listen to jazz guitar payers really), or bass guitar (have played in a rock band) or violin/viola (have had basic lessons).
4) To my advantage:
I care deeply about music as a way for people to come together and connect and express themselves individually and culturally. I have an undergraduate degree in Music History/Theory from an accredited school. I have about 2 years study in piano and viola from several years ago and can still remember basic technique for these. I have played bass guitar in a rock band as well as some guitar. I have also taken a few intro voice lessons and have sung well enough to do so (mostly on pitch!) in home recordings. I have gotten positive responses when playing with people in the past and I find it personally rewarding, compliments or no. Music for me is a matter of spiritual personal and cultural nourishment. It's maybe my most favorite way that people share with each other what is meaningful to them.
I love jazz music and funk and rock and musicians who push the envelope...this is my bedrock. I love African diasporic musics... growing up on the USA's East Coast, this is a bedrock interest. I was also exposed to Indian Classical (listening not playing) at a young age, and I love this music very much, and I love the violin as an Indian Classical instrument. I have a deep appreciation for the beauty, force, and cultural nuance in these musics.
At the same time, I do fantasize about (selfishly?) crafting my own voice and presence and I guess that could eventually come through consistent engagement in musical fundamentals that simply work for me on a practical level.
5) To my disadvantage:
I have had a less than stellar relationship with "learning music" in the past, due mostly to anxiety, imposter syndrome, perfectionism, self criticism, manifesting in freezing up, overthinking, and indecision about what and how to study, etc. These things have gotten in the way of making a path forward in the past. I also was too "full of myself" at a younger age to properly learn fundamentals in music...and I love so many kinds of music I didn't know what to pick... (i.e. I was afraid to suck). Now I regularly worry about taking jobs/work that will not let me develop my skill or ever play with people. (Right now I have part time work only...my full time contract job just ended.) I am now seeking help in the area of mental health to address whatever the root of this challenge is, and just want to approach things in a clear and practical way as much as I can, so I can have a musical life rather than hide from having one due to feeling "not good enough" or whatever...which is what I've been doing for ...awhile.
I'm not plugged into any community or playing regularly right now (since start of COVID), so it feels difficult that my role is so undefined.
I have a history of "putting down" this or that instrument..."viola/violin is not good for jazz because I don't like gypsy swing or fusion music...I wish I could play cello"..."piano lacks interesting timbre"... "guitar is not dynamic enough" etc... I can freely admit that me saying these things is a projection of my own insecurity, and not worth dwelling on.
Thanks for reading any of this if it's of interest for you. I welcome any useful feedback. or commiseration! lol
Submitted March 06, 2023 at 09:51PM by bingbongboing95 https://www.reddit.com/r/Learnmusic/comments/11kk191/long_post_includes_tldr_asking_about_cutting/?utm_source=ifttt