hello I hope this is the right place to put this. it is kind of a question, but not a technical one, just a motivation one.
i used to be really into music/playing instruments. then I stopped for years, due to a complicated mess of reasons and forgot most of what I knew. recently I have started to get back into it and it is making me really happy.
I feel happy again for the first time in like 10 years and I can see myself having a future for the first time in my life. but I am having to relearn everything that I used to know, and learn new things that I never knew before. and when I try to do that, I freeze up and can't get myself to actually try to do/learn things because I am too scared that i won't do well or that I am actually just not smart enough for it or that people will judge me for having to learn all of this again, or something.
and I just kind of need random reassurance that it's ok. it feels like in general I have lost a chunk of my life during that time period, and I wish it hadn't happened. and I am scared I won't ever be good at anything, and I am scared I won't ever be able to make art that I am proud of.
growing up autistic, I always felt like the only way people would really see me as a human/love me was if I was some sort of magical genius who was better than everyone else at things and stuff like that, and I think that is also a big part of why this scares me so much probably. also being autistic, my brian has decided that music is the only thing I can think about or find enjoyment in ever. so I am kind of stuck here.
Submitted March 27, 2023 at 05:03AM by 57nightjars https://www.reddit.com/r/Learnmusic/comments/123fxgk/struggling_to_actually_learn_because_i_get_scared/?utm_source=ifttt